Souls of New York

I had a dream once. I was walking down an unnamed street in lower Manhattan, the streets damp from a recent rain, the air barely holding onto that clean smell that New York sometimes gets after a storm. In my typical fashion, I was walking slowly down the street, meandering a bit, looking down at the sidewalk and thinking about all of the soles that had walked there and all the souls that had passed by. I was breathing in the feel of those souls, the thoughts of them.

As is also typical of me, I was forming so many questions in my mind. What did they do and feel here? How were their lives changed here? Did they fall in love here, as I did? Did they get their hearts broken here, as I also did?

As I walked, I felt a familiar feeling of warmth, even in the briskness of fall. Slowly I lifted my head. There you were, walking toward me with a beautiful woman. My body registered the shock I felt as my heart fell and my breath became shallow and my eyes began to water. That kind of watering that if you blink once every tear in your soul will come flooding out. I looked down and composed myself and looked back up.

At that moment I realized how much I truly did love you. That kind of love that doesn’t falter, even after you’ve moved on and found someone else. For with that glance, I realized that I wasn’t disappointed to see you with someone else, I was warmed to see you so happy. I saw less of the two of you and more of your face, your expression. There was so much love there as you laughed with her and held her close to warm her from the chill in the air.

As you turned forward and saw me, you stopped, surprised. That surprise gave way to a huge smile. A smile I remembered well, a smile I saw quite often and heard even more often on our phone conversations across the miles. We both walked forward, your smile never faltering, your arms now outstretched. You happily said my name, and how great it was to run into me, hugging me and enveloping me like you always used to.

When I awoke from that dream, I still felt that familiar feeling of warmth. But this time, something was different. That final hug in my dream, which represented our new reality, was more of a good-bye from a big brother and less like a hopeful embrace from a lover and a friend.